The Perfect Number

Tomorrow October begins! Wow! It is crazy to me that I am even typing that. First, it seems like just yesterday we were hanging out watching fireworks on the 4th of July. Second, it seems like just last week we were bringing home our bouncy baby boy from the hospital.

I look at pictures of newborn babies and I can't even imagine Max as that small (truth is, he probably never was). When I see those squishy faces, button noses, and fluffy hair, I get a little tingly and start to think I want to experience all of that again. I start to envy the moments of pure love those mother's are experiencing. Their tiny hands gripping your finger, their looks of innocence and purity, the way their tiny bodies curl into your body, and the middle of the night feedings when you feel like you are the only two people on earth and are creating a bond stronger than you ever knew existed (see how I romanticized that). I see a pregnant woman and I am jealous and want to be her and be growing life inside of me.

Somewhere along the last 19 months I have developed a total memory loss. No longer do I remember the flu-like feelings I had for 24 hours a day during my first trimester, it really wasn't that bad. Was it? I seem to have totally forgotten about the lack of sleep during the last month of pregnancy and the first year of Max's life. We got sleep, didn't we? Memories of post partum depression, colic, spit-up everywhere, and utter exhaustion have all faded away. Those first months were ideal, right? In my mind, the first year of Max's life has become an amazing world that I cannot wait to return to.

Then Max starts screaming and crying for no apparent reason. It is a fit with no real cause. I'm perplexed and a little bit more than annoyed by the dramatics. I finally move him into his room and tell him when he is done having his fit he can come play with us. He continues to scream and scream... All those romantic, idealized versions of infancy start to be replaced with the reality of my child. Oh yeah, I remember Max screaming at 6 weeks for 3 hours every night. I remember having to run the vacuum nonstop because that was the only sound that would calm my child. I remember crying every night for the first 7 weeks of Max's life because my emotions were out of control. I remember not sleeping... EVER... I remember it all. While the real memories of that time start to flood back into my mind, Max continues to scream and scream and SCREAM!

With reality setting in, I start to believe that Max is destined to be an only child. Why would I want to do a baby all again? A baby is so much work, so much heart ache, so much exhaustion. Max is enough for us, one is the perfect number!

Max's fit slowly comes to an end. He starts to do that deep, pathetic breathing that all children do when they are trying to stop crying. I tell him that if he is all done he can come out of his room. His little feet making slapping sounds as he quickly makes his way to my lap. He squishes his little face into my neck, looks up at me and says "blankey". I tell him to go get his blankey and bring it to mama. He pitter patters back to his room as quick as his chubby little legs will carry him and returns to my lap. He cuddles and loves and gives me a kiss....

Two. I think two just might be the perfect number of children.

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails...

2 years ago in September we found out that our bundle of joy was going to be a bouncing baby BOY! I remember crying in the ultrasound because I was so happy to be having a boy. Eventually, a little girl would be nice but I have just always imagined myself as a little boy's mama! I've always been a little bit of a tomboy (side effect of growing up with 2 older brothers) and I have always loved the spunkiness of a boy. Also, Lane was a big reason I wanted a little boy. The fun and mischief that I knew they would create was something I couldn't wait to be a part of.

Even though Max is only 18 months old, he and his dad are already best friends. They love to watch Star Wars, go to the park, play monster together, and just generally be up to no good! This weekend, they found some worms and Max being a total boy was very interested in them. Here are a couple of pictures of Max and Dad playing with the gross slimy worms.

Such is Life...

A few weeks ago I started the new phase in our life. I am taking care of an adorable 2 year old boy, Diego and I am working the afterschool daycare program with Max on Monday through Friday. To say the least life has gotten busy. I know that is no excuse for my lack of updating but it as good as it is going to get. Hopefully soon I will get lots of pictures on here. But to hold you here is a picture of Max trying to fill daddy's shoes.

One of my new favorite pictures...

An Ode To Sabrina from Max

Oh, Sabrina, you are so lovely and fair.
How I love your dark brown hair.
You spent your last few summer days with me
Every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday it is you I wanted to see
By the end you knew exactly what makes my heart beat
You brought me my first love, a balloon of sesame street!

I Think He's Up to Something...