Priorities and Life Decisions....

My life has a very predictable pattern to it right now.
*Lane wakes up with Max (he is such a good daddy and an excellent husband)
*I roll out of bed and see Lane off to work.
*COFFEE
*Max time, taking care of the house time, and occasionally outside activities with friends.
*Lane comes home
*Max goes to sleep
*Off to bed for all of us, it will be time to start the day again soon.

There is nothing too dramatic in our days, not counting Max's terrible two tempter tantrums. We have a fairly predictable schedule. Despite the lack of "excitement", I'm very happy in my life. I have become very content being Lane's wife and Max's mommy. I like taking care of my house (although I will NEVER like laundry) and I like making our home and family my priority. Things can be tight because I don't work but I wouldn't trade this time with Max for any sort of paycheck, even if it does mean I need to watch all our pennies very carefully and there are times we have to sacrifice a lot of material things.

I'm a mom and wife and for now that is my career. It is a good and right thing for us and it is something I've come to love.

But in a few years Max will be in school (isn't it crazy that in 3 years he will be on his way to kindergarten). If we are blessed with another child, they won't be that far behind Max in going to school. And I will be left with a lot of hours to fill. I could certainly maintain my mommy and wife status and be very active in their schooling. I could continue to not work and I'm sure I could find some way to fill the time. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be bored with no Max at home and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to want to return to work. My priority will still be my family and home, but there will be room for more in my life again.

The question I've been struggling to answer lately is what will I want that "more" to be. I have my bachelor's degree in education. I worked for 4 years as a teacher and I'm certain I could return to the field of education if I so desired. I'm just not sure I have that desire. I have certain strong beliefs about children and their learning and school systems today are in direct opposition to my beliefs. I was already becoming frustrated with the direction being taken in education and I'm certain that frustration will grow if schools continue on the path that has been laid. Add to that the long hours preparing a classroom, the work you bring home, the low pay, and the high amount of money I put back into the classroom and that career just isn't appealing to me any longer.

I have some thoughts about what I would love to do instead of teaching. I've even started taking some steps to make a new career a reality. I'm trying to plan all of this in such a way that for the next few years my family can still be number 1 job but I am also able to start pursuing my new goal. And....

I'm scared. I'm having to pray nightly for the ability to see past my fear. There are so many questions about the path I'm taking and whether it is right for my family and for me. The unknown is always hard not to fear.

So, I'm doing what I can to answer the questions I have and for the ones I cannot answer, I'm relying on my faith. Faith in God. Faith in my abilities. Faith in my family.

So my challenge for right now: don't let the fear grow bigger than my faith (and still do the laundry).