Parenting is the most stressful experience in the world. This child is only 7 weeks old and already I wonder if I have done something to ruin him for life. I read about people who have their child on a schedule by this point, have a regular bed time, and are in general the perfect parents.
That is not life in the Nelson household. As the quote says "life is just so daily"! We never know what a day is going to be like. I can make a pretty good guess but more times than not I am wrong. Regular bedtime? Ha... I am lucky if he goes to bed without having a crying fit. I am not worried so much about what time, I am just worried about if it is going to be traumatic for us all. I don't know when he is going to nap, how many times he is going to nap, heck... I can hardly guess if he is going to feel like eating 3 ounces or 5 ounces.
This lack of predictability is bad for three reasons. One: I am a teacher and before that I was in school, I have lived for 22 years on a schedule... everything from lunchtime to going to the bathroom. Not having a schedule is wreaking havoc on my sense of self. Two: It makes me feel like a bad parent. I worry that not having a schedule now means I won't have a schedule at a year and I will turn into one of "those" parents whose kids are always overtired and cranky because they don't get enough sleep. And three: I am a control freak and it is taking a lot of adjusting to not be in control and let me life be led by my little man.
I know in my heart that I have only been at this for 7 weeks and I have years to mess Max up! But I need to convince my head that it is okay that Max sets the pace for our days, it is okay that sometimes he seems to nap all day and others he seems to not nap at all, it is okay that he doesn't feel like finishing a bottle, it is okay that even when we perform our magic bedtime routine he still doesn't want to go to sleep, it is okay that some days I want to pull my hair out because I think I have it figured out only to find out that NOPE it is all going to be different!
In the end this is all okay because there are moments during our unpredictable day when my little man looks up and gives me a smile to make it all worth it. And now since you read the Mama's rambling thoughts I will give you the picture that you came here to see!
2 comments:
Hang in there Laura....you're doing a GREAT job at being the Mama.
Love the friend, crazy jo
Just a reminder: there are NO perfect parents, and the ones that "think" they are, are the ones that are going to be in for a VERY rude awakening during those teen years!!!
You're doing wonderful, and Max loves you so much!
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